Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home2/chrilam3/public_html/wp-content/themes/simplicity/functions/admin-hooks.php on line 160
Tag Archives: Life Coaching

The myth of earning more

I’m a research junkie.

Image By: AMagill

I love looking at numbers and identifying trends.

Particularly around other people’s behaviors.

While I was researching google search terms on the topic of money, I stumbled upon something that stopped me in my tracks.

Something that made me rethink everything about the way I talk about money.

It turns out people really want to get rich.  In fact, 7.4 million people searched the term ‘get rich’.

The way I see it there’s two primary ways we can make that happen:

1. Earn more money

2. Spend less money

And if google is any indication, people clearly prefer option 1.

Earning money beats out spending less on google searches by nearly a 9:1 ratio (2.7 million searches compared to 301,000).

I get it, earning more seems like a magic bullet solution.

It’s easy to think that once you make six figures, richness will just automatically happen.

But it’s not always the right solution.

Making money isn’t synonymous with getting rich.  Far from it.

In fact, one survey by Thomas J. Stanley, found many high-income earners are actually less efficient at becoming millionaires than their moderate income counterparts.

Once people start making more money, they have a tendency to spend more money. They live in more expensive homes in pricier neighborhoods and increase their lifestyles to match their incomes.

If you want to really create wealth, you have to be willing to look at both sides of the coin.

Think about it:

  • How much money were you making 5 years ago?
  • Has your income increased?
  • Has your net worth increased?
  • Has it increased by the same percentage as your income?
  • Do you know what your net worth is?

Most people don’t.

I used to be one of them.  In fact, I’m a perfect example of the earn more myth.

As recently as a few years back, I was making six figures and was far from rich.

I had no idea what my net worth was.

I knew exactly how much money I made, but I had no idea how much I spent.

If income was the solution to wealth, I would have nailed it.

But as I found, creating wealth took more than a high income.

It took consciousness.

It took awareness.

It took understanding.

And it took spending less than I earned.

If Google has it right and we really want to get rich, we have to be willing to look beyond earning.  Earning is only half of the equation.

Share our comments below.  

I’m curious: what do you think about the google earn more, spend less discrepancy? 

How are you creating wealth?  What’s had the greatest affect your bottom-line?

5 Comments

Making Peace with Target

Do you shop at Target? Or Nordstrom or Banana Republic?

Not just occasionally, I’m talking at least a few times a week?

I mean, they have pretty cool stuff, right?

I’ve so been there.

My husband used to say, what exactly do we buy at Target? We seem to go there A LOT. (By we, he really meant me).

Eventually I learned the problem wasn’t about Target.

Target was simply a symptom of a bigger challenge.

The real issue was understanding why I felt compelled to spend so much money on stuff that wasn’t bring value into my life.

Target made it easy for me to disengage.

To use shopping to feel better about life for a few minutes a day.

To get lost in all the cool stuff and forget about my problems.

But  I knew I could do better than Target.  For my money, and myself.

So I took a hard look at my money.

What I saw wasn’t pretty.

Nearly all of my net worth was comprised of my 401k.

Which doesn’t sound so bad.

Until I realized I was putting 10% of my salary in my 401k and that 10% made up  up 90% of my net worth.

What exactly was I doing with the other 90%?

That’s not a simple question to answer.

On the surface I was just shopping.

Buying clothes.  And decorations for the house.

And whatever else I wanted.

Except I didn’t really want any of it.

What I really wanted was to be liked.

To be admired for my style.

To be loved.

To be happy.

And Target just couldn’t get the job done.

No matter how much I spent.

So I had to make peace with myself.

I had to discover what I really wanted.

I had to learn who I was without wearing a new outfit.

And that was hard.

It still is hard.

I’m learning to connect with myself.  Sometimes I don’t like what I see.

Sometimes it just plain sucks.

And it’s rewarding.

I’m constantly learning and growing.

I’ve learned I really don’t like Target clothes that much.

I’ve learned that I’m uncomfortable sitting still.

I’ve learned that intimacy and connection make me more uncomfortable than sitting still.

And I really want those things anyways.

I’ve learned that I’m not always comfortable letting people see me.

But I want to let them see me anyway.

I want to see me.

And when I started to see me and let the world in on what I was seeing, a funny thing happened.

Target lost its luster.

It wasn’t the joy factory I’d made it out be.

But I was.

 

2 Comments

When to Quit Your Job

You’ve found your passion.

You’re ready to follow your dreams.

But should you quit your job?

Well it depends.

Do you hate your current job?  Are you worried about how to support yourself financially?  Are you excited about the new venture primarily because of all the money you might make?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you might want to stick it out with your current gig a little longer.

The best way to get killer results in your next venture is to make the decision to jump when you already feel abundant, peaceful and excited.

If you’re worried, frustrated or annoyed the actions you take will likely cause more worry, frustration and annoyance down the line – no matter how passionate you are about the venture.

The good news is, you can follow your dreams while your at your current job.

Those two things are not mutually exclusive.  In fact, working at your current job may help you launch your venture to even more success.

I always say, “be passionate enough about this dream to deliver pizza.”

I’d love your feedback on the topic.  Specifically, if you’ve made the jump, how did you know it was time.  If you’re still on the fence, what’s keeping you there?

Leave your answers to these questions along with your comments and insights below. 

Email me your questions on money to christy.lambert@areyouthriving.com

If you like this,  share it on facebook or twitter!

Leave a comment

Overcoming Money Conflicts

Relationships can be tricky. Add money to the equation and things can get even stickier.

You want to pay off debt and your partner wants to buy a motorcycle.

Or maybe you want to buy a new pair of jeans and your partner wants to go golfing, again.

It’s no surprise that money is one of the top causes of conflict in relationships.

So what can you do about?

First, understand you’re not really arguing about the motorcycle or the debt. Those items are symbolic of something deeper. For both of you.

The motorcycle might represent freedom.  The paid off debt security.  You’re really arguing for the values you think the items represent.

We all have experiences, stories and goals with money that motivate our current values and actions.

If you start the money conversation focused on the line items in the budget, you’re missing the big picture and setting yourself up for lasting conflict.

The trick is to take the conversation deeper.

Take some time to discover what’s driving your partners behaviors around money. And while you’re at it, dig into what’s driving yours.

I’ve created a three question worksheet you can download to get the conversations started.

Download Here: Conversation Starter

This is just a start.

Our money stories go deep. The more you understand about your story and your partners story the more equipped you will be to resolve conflict for the long term.

Leave your comments and insights below. 

Email me your questions on money to christy.lambert@areyouthriving.com

If you like this,  share it on facebook or twitter!

Leave a comment

Can you afford it?

You really want to buy something, sign up for a class, go on a trip, and the numbers don’t support it.

It’s a drag to think you really want something and then tell yourself you can’t afford it.

So stop lying to yourself.

When you make up your mind that you want something, there’s almost always a way to get it. You could sell everything you own, you could work two additional jobs, you could cash out your 401k.

But you’re not.

There’s a reason you’re choosing not to afford it.

The only reason you ever want to buy something is because you think buying it will make you feel a certain way.

  • You think participating in a class will make you feel confident or connected.
  • You think a new pair of shoes will make you feel sexy.
  • You think going to Greece will make you feel relaxed and free.

And it might.  But you don’t have to buy those things to get those feelings.

The same is true when you choose not to afford something.

The only reason you ever choose not to buy something is because you think having something else will make you feel better.

  • You think paying off your bills will make you feel responsible.
  • You think having money in your savings account will make you feel secure.
  • You think not working a second job will make you feel free.

And it might.  But it’s possible to buy the item you want and still get those feelings.

The only way to really know if you can afford something is to know what you value and why.

What do you value most: the item or what you’ll get by not buying it?

If something is important to you, stop telling yourself you can’t have it.  Instead, brainstorm creative ways you could choose to afford it. Check in and see if you’re willing to do those things and understand why/why not?

Affordability isn’t just about dollars and cents.  It’s about value. And you always get to choose what you value.

Leave your comments and insights below. 

Email me your questions on money to christy.lambert@areyouthriving.com

If you like this,  share it on facebook or twitter!

5 Comments

Getting Organized

It’s easy to blame money disorganization on being busy or not having the right system.

The truth is, disorganization is usually about something deeper.  

It’s a symptom of avoidance. Avoidance often comes from fear.

Unless you address WHY you are disorganized with your money, no system will cure the problem.

When the mind is scared, it goes into fight or flight.  You don’t have to be attacked by a bear or face ruin to activate this response. Subtle emotions are powerful triggers. Being unsettled, worried, stressed or unsure can initiate fight of flight.

Take a moment and consider where you might be avoiding your money:

  • Are you procrastinating paying bills? Is there one bill you keep forgetting?
  • Are you avoiding balancing your checkbook?
  • Do you keep forgetting to cancel that subscription you never use and are still being charged for?

These are all symptoms of disorganization that indicate an avoidance problem.

Want to clean it up?

  • Embrace some element of unpredictability with your money.  Your financial life is always changing. That’s not something to be scared of.  You can handle whatever comes your way.
  • Spend some time giving yourself credit.   Write down a list of all the reasons you can handle whatever happens.  You’re smart. You have skills and contacts.  You know how manage your money.  Gather as much evidence as possible.
  • Use fight or flight to your advantage.  When you believe you can handle what you see, that you can face any challenge in style, you’ll be more likely to face your money head on.

Leave your comments and insights below. 

Email me your questions on money to christy.lambert@areyouthriving.com

If you like this,  share it on facebook or twitter!

 

Leave a comment

Can running change your life?

A while back, I posted this comment on Facebook:

“It’s possible for you learn to love running.  In doing so you can learn to love your life.”

The comments were intense.

People pushed back.

There was a lot of resistance.

Some of it was legitimate. People shared health issues that prevented them from running. The gift of listening to their bodies.

Some of it was inspiring.  People shared stories of how they used to hate running, gave it another try and it changed their lives. Created major breakthroughs.

All of it was passionate.

It got me thinking.  If I said:

“It’s possible for you to love bowling, In doing so you can learn to love your life.”  

Would the reaction have been the same?

Or what about:

“It’s possible for you to love painting, In doing so you can learn to love your life.”  

How about:

“It’s possible for you to love exercise, In doing so you can learn to love your life.”  

I’m curious:

How do you react to each of these?  

Do these statements bring up different emotions?  

Why?

My hunch is that they aren’t all the same.  The truth is you have different experiences & thoughts about running, bowling, painting and exercise.

These experiences and thoughts create a different emotional response when someone says it’s possible for you to love it.

If someone says to me, it’s possible for me to love bowling and in doing so learn to love my life, the response I get is laughter.  I think it’s funny.  I have no resistance to bowling and no real desire to use it to change my life.

For painting, I feel a longing to know more.  A curiosity to explore and a little bit of doubt about my abilities.

For exercise, I feel neutral.  I get it.  I’m not opposed to the statement and I’m not excited about it.

So why so much resistance and passion around running?

My two cents:

  • You have experience running.  For many, including me, not all of this experience is good.  In gym class I was slow, so I tried to run faster and it hurt.  I felt like I wasn’t good enough, so I stopped trying.
  • There’s a lack training in pace. You haven’t learned to enjoy going slow enough that it doesn’t hurt.  You’re not in gym class anymore and nobody cares how fast you are running.  Trying to run too fast for your body is uncomfortable.
  • It’s hard to start small.  You want to go out and run 1 mile today. For years I couldn’t run a mile, so I started with a minute, or 10 seconds, and I kept at it.  Now I can run a mile.
  • Walking gets a bad rap.  I used to think if I took a walk break while running, it meant I was a slacker, I was cheating, I wasn’t doing it right.  That’s not true.  Walk breaks are what allow you to run further, faster and with less pain. When you’re starting, the more walk breaks the better.

Think back to your first experience running?  Was it good?  Bad?  Are your stories about running creating resistance now?

Are you willing to give it a try?  Why/Why not?

In my own experience, I didn’t always love running.  I hated it.  And like many things I used to hate, once I learned why I hated it, gave myself the opportunity to experience it without resistance, I learned to love it.  The things that brought me the most resistance now bring me great joy.

Can’t wait to hear what you have to say on this topic.  Add your comments and perspective in the comments section below.

4 Comments

Money Monday – Sell or Hold?

Have you ever been in the midst of making a financial decision and felt stuck.

You arrive on a decision only to second guess yourself just a few minutes later.  You run the numbers over and over and still don’t feel 100% confident in the decision?

I know I have.  Sometimes what looks great on paper, the story the numbers seem to tell, feels different when you go to pull the trigger.

What might be happening is an ownership bias. 



When you own something, you like it more, just because you own it.  Seriously.

This can make it especially tricky when it comes time to make a decision around selling something.  Maybe you’re committed to paying off debt and selling the boat seems like a good way to go.  Or maybe you’re getting ready to buy a bigger house and trying to decide to sell or hold onto the smaller one.  

Because you own the item, your mind will likely value the item more than the markets or the financials do.

So how do you get around this?

First – be honest with yourself.  Do you actually own the item? If you have a loan against the item, it’s not yours, it’s the banks. Being honest about that can help reduce the ownership bias.  

Then ask yourself these questions:

1. Given your current goals and finances, would you go out and buy the item again today?  If not, what’s really holding you back from selling it?

2. What do you think it means if you sell the item?

3. What do you think it means if you don’t sell the item?

These questions will help you get some perspective on what you are trying to gain, besides money, by holding or selling.  They will help you see where you’re looking at the numbers and where your ownership bias is showing up.

I’d love to hear your experiences with ownership bias and how you moved past it.

Leave your comments and insights below. 

Email me your questions on money to christy.lambert@areyouthriving.com

If you like this,  share it on facebook or twitter!


3 Comments

Money Monday – Unexpected Bills

You’re chugging along, making progress toward your financial goals and then seemingly out of nowhere you’re hit with a big fat bill that isn’t in the budget.

Or maybe it’s just a series of small bills that seem to come out of the woodwork just when you feel like you’re starting to make real progress.

Unexpected things do happen.

When unexpected things happen regularly they can no longer be considered unexpected.

If you’re consistently running short at the end of the month, or writing a check that’s just not in the budget it’s important to take the time to figure out what’s really going on with your money.

In my own life, I noticed I had a tendency to significantly underestimate my monthly expenses.

I’d decide once and for all I was going to be responsible and quickly pay off my debt. The faster the better. So I’d sit down and create a budget that I thought would propel me quickly toward my financial goals. It looked great on paper.

I’d make a huge payment on my student loan debt and then I’d freak out that I had no money left when it was time to buy groceries and pay my monthly bills.

I was so disconnected from my money and spending that I had no idea what it actually cost me to live every month.


When I finally took the time to look at what was happening with my money it was easy to see why it felt like things were always sneaking up on me.

I’d been drastically underestimating my expenditures.

Once I knew what I was spending, It was much easier for me to make choices about where I was willing to make sacrifices and where I wasn’t. I was able to create a debt payoff plan and cut down on the unexpected by leaving room for all of my monthly expenditures.

Leave your comments and insights below. 

Email me your questions on money to christy.lambert@areyouthriving.com

If you like this,  share it on facebook or twitter!

Leave a comment

Money Monday – Unexpected Cash

Unexpected money can create unexpected dilemmas.

You get money you’re not expecting. A bonus check. Money from selling something on Craigslist. Cash from winning a contest.  Or maybe you just found some money in the street.

And the money feels different. Like it doesn’t count.

It’s fun money.  Spending money. Bonus money.  And it feels powerful.

By changing the way I framed certain types of money, I treated it differently.  I used it as a reward. To make me feel good.  To treat myself.

And then I felt bad. Like I wasted it.  Didn’t put it to good use.  Didn’t do the right thing.

I’d get regular bonus checks and it would feel like a whole world of choices opened up. I could pay off bills, go on vacation or update my wardrobe. Every choice symbolized something deeper.  I could be responsible, be adventurous or look chic enough that everyone would like me.

The meanings I attached to the money made it hard to decide what to actually do with the money.

So how do you decide what do with unexpected cash?

Step 1: Take the unexpected money off the table.  Decide what your short term and long term financial priorities are.  Understand how you want your money to work for you in the bigger picture and why.

Step 2: Get clear on how you want to feel about the money. What feeling are you hoping the money can buy?  Be honest and put it on the table.

Step 3: Remember you can get the feeling you want, regardless of how you spend the money. Get the feeling you want first and then make the decision.

Leave your comments and insights below. 

Email me your questions on money to christy.lambert@areyouthriving.com

If you like this,  share it on facebook or twitter!

Leave a comment